01 在我年轻的时候，我是一个特别害怕麻烦别人的人。但奇怪的事情是，我特别爱和那些理直气壮要求你对她好的人做朋友。 但时间久了，就会觉得很累。这么多年...01

在我年轻的时候，我是一个特别害怕麻烦别人的人。但奇怪的事情是，我特别爱和那些理直气壮要求你对她好的人做朋友。

但时间久了，就会觉得很累。这么多年，我从不愿意把这一面示人，直到有一次，忍不住和她们说，为什么你们都不主动关心我一下！

结果她们异口同声的说：因为你心情不好的时候，总是躲起来啊！我们以为你就喜欢这样，所以成全你，不闻不问。

听到这个答案，我真是哭笑不得。

后来，有一次我的闺蜜艾老师聊起她的母亲，说她隔一段时间就会去看望老朋友，都是对方招待。我听完之后，忽然想起我自己的母亲，是一个生怕亏欠别人的人，是一个极怕麻烦别人的时候出现的情形。在我小的时候，对我说的最多的一句话说：你不要欠别人的。每每接受了亲戚朋友的礼物，她就总会在我面前念叨：这些人情，这些礼物，你怎么能要呢？

I brought these up to her, and she said: I finally understand you. From a young age, my mom never made me feel that people are owed something; instead, she enjoyed these social interactions as part of living.

This is completely different from two different perspectives on life.

One believes that interpersonal relationships should be enjoyable and not a burden. The other believes that accepting someone's kindness can lead to feelings of guilt and indebtedness.

Thus, it has shaped our vastly different personalities.

One who trusts that those who truly love you will not fear the inconvenience or busyness associated with showing affection for you.

The other who believes that if someone loves you enough to go out of their way for you, they should not hesitate to do so without your request or permission.

02

Not being able to accept others' offerings with ease and always harboring feelings of owing them something has been an important reason for my inner fatigue over the years.

Until later in life when I met a male friend who grew up in a completely different family environment. He was one who demanded others show him care unapologetically. I shared my concerns with him; he found it hard to believe. He said:

"If afraid of inconveniencing others, what's the point of loving? People are selfish; when I go out of my way for someone I love—when they see this—they know: 'I really love her.'"

From then on, I began understanding one thing:

Attraction may bring desire but true love breaks through boundaries and principles.

Fearful individuals excel at breaking through boundaries and principles for others but struggle at having others break through theirs.

Many women don't realize why the "bad" ones attract many men.

They're not necessarily bad; they simply express their needs more naturally,

and make others break through themselves,

resulting in becoming unforgettable figures in their lives.

03

Upon reflection on myself,

you give more time and energy

to those expressing demands directly,

who proactively invite you out

without hesitation

and aren't afraid to disturb your peace.

Yes. This is human nature;

what matters most about yourself must be explicitly expressed;

otherwise,

the genuine concern

will be consumed by things around us.

The more fearful we are

of bothering someone else,

the lonelier we become.

To those genuinely fond of us,

our worries seem like catching sleep while lying down comfortably—their clueless uncertainty about how best to please us.

My dear friend's journey from confidante sisterhood blossomed into romance because during her need-to-rent-a-place ordeal

he accompanied her tirelessly searching properties,

his meticulous care suddenly moved her deeply.

04

In every gathering among friends where acquaintances ask:

Does your boyfriend come pick you up?

It's late now;

they wouldn't want trouble driving home alone…

I'd reply:

He works late too;

it would bother him even worse than me returning home late...

These connections lack resolution until meeting him—a man constantly asking ahead:

Where are you?

Do I need picking up?

"I'll drive there soon," he says nonchalantly though it would take some time…

Later he became my husband-to-be

If one such as myself feels uneasy saying no thanks,

then that person isn't right for me either.

Meeting an unsuitable partner drains all passion away within this relationship—

a truly loved person anticipates before hearing words like "No trouble."

This describes those truly fondly inclined towards another individual.