01 在我年轻时，我是一个特别害怕麻烦别人的人。但奇怪的是，我很喜欢和那些不犹豫地要求你对她好的人做朋友。然而，时间一长，就感到疲惫。这多年来...01

在我年轻的时候，我是一个特别害怕麻烦别人的人。但奇怪的事情是，我特别爱和那些理直气壮要求你对她好的人做朋友。

但时间久了，就会觉得很累。这么多年，我从不愿意把这一面示人，直到有一次，忍不住和她们说，为什么你们都不主动关心我一下！

结果她们异口同声的说：因为你心情不好的时候，总是躲起来啊！我们以为你就喜欢这样，所以成全你，不闻不问。

听到这个答案，我真是哭笑不得。

后来，有一次我的闺蜜艾老师聊起她的母亲，说她隔一段时间就会去看望老朋友，都是对方招待。我听完之后，忽然想起我自己的母亲，是一个生怕亏欠别人的人，是一个极怕麻烦别人的。她总是在我小的时候，对我说的最多的一句话就是：不要欠别人的。每当接受了亲戚朋友的礼物，她都会在我面前念叨：这些人情，我总归还得还回去，你怎么能要呢？

I share these stories with her, and she says: I finally understand you. From young to old, my mom never made me feel that people are owed something; instead, she enjoys these social interactions as a part of living.

This is a completely different perspective on life.

One believes that relationships should be enjoyed as part of life's pleasure; the other views them as a heavy burden.

This has shaped our vastly different personalities.

One trusts that those who like you will not fear trouble or busyness; another believes that if someone likes you, they should not trouble others or make them busy for your sake.

02

Not accepting the kindness of others without complaint and always feeling indebted is an important reason for my years-long inner fatigue.

Until I met a male friend who grew up in a completely different family environment. He was one of those men who would go out of their way to do special things for someone he liked.

"I don't feel tired," he said. "Why bother being afraid? If you're afraid of getting tired, what's the point of falling in love?"

03

Reflecting on myself, have you ever noticed how easily your time and energy go to those friends who:

Are eager to express their needs?

Initiate plans with you?

Don't mind disturbing you?

Yes. This is human nature. What matters most to you must be explicitly expressed rather than feigned generosity. Otherwise, the genuine care and attention belonging to yourself will be taken over by others and things.

The more afraid you are of troubling others, the more likely it is that solitude awaits you. To those who like you, your troubles are just something they can't figure out how to make right.

My girlfriend and her husband became from close friends to lovers because during this period when she needed help finding an apartment to rent, he accompanied her everywhere looking at potential places - his thoughtful consideration won her heart instantly.

The emotional bond between two people deepens beyond shared values except through some unique experiences which cannot be replicated - each mention brings back memories exclusive only between them.

04

At every gathering with my girlfriends after work hours they'd ask: Does your boyfriend come pick you up? It's too late now anyway! I'd say: He's very busy working hard so late tonight isn't good either for me driving home alone.

Such relationships never reach maturity until later when I met him - always asking ahead if time allows him: Where are we? Do we need me coming over there? When told it was far away enough not worth his effort taking us both there & back but still insisted: Just 20 minutes' drive! No hassle!

Later on he became my partner!

If someone behaves like this towards us then maybe they aren’t meant for us at all

When meeting wrong partners one may end up exhausting oneself in love

It’s true love only when before we open our mouths about needing help

they’ve already offered theirselves

That’s what truly loves us